Grammy Awards 2009

Here we go again. It's the 51st annual Grammy Awards and i'm going to liveblog it. Mostly because that's the only way I can sit and watch the whole thing. I'm going to be drinking tonight. Which was my mistake last time I tried to liveblog. I was stone sober. Big Mistake. But let's go...As we proceed!

8:01 - U2 doin their U2 sht. I wanna like then more than I do but only some of their songs are jams to me. Maybe I lack culture.
8:03 - However this 'let me in the sound' breakdown is kinda dope. This song might be winning me over.
8:04 - Whitney looks ...she looks pretty good considering. Still sounds crazy.
8:06 - Awwe, it seems like Whitney's lost her voice. I heard that show she did a few months back where she sounded a mess but I was hoping it wasn't permanent.
8:07 - J. Hud accepts the award for best R&B. I think i'm gonna tear up with her on this one. I love her.
8:08 - Duane Johnson..remember when he was the Rock? Also..remember when he was too sexy for words? Now he's treading in Shemar Moore territory.
8:10 - Justin Timberlake is on already, filling in for Chris Brown's assault and battery punk ass. Yeesh, the day before the Grammy's Chris? You couldn't wait? Let me stop. That type of sht is never appropriate. I knew somethin was wrong with him...remember??
8:21 - Mmm Simon Baker. introducing Coldplay performing Lost! which is a pretty hot banger from Coldplay of all people.
8:23 - Aaannd they proceed to destroy any love for this song I had while on stage. Jay puts on this dumb drunk flow that only sounded hot under the congo drums and guitar production of the album recording.
8:25 - Their performing the Ipod commercial song. It sounds good but the performance looks mad goofy.
8:28 - I kinda like Carrie Underwood's white trash steez even if its made up. Her getup is kinda Mad Max though, and not in a good way.
8:32 - Sheryl Crow and Leanne Rhimes. I like Leeanne's dress but thas the only positive thing I'll say right about now. I only ever think about Country music when watching the Grammy's and then I remind myself to listen to it more and forget again. Maybe next year.
8:42 - Wow Al Green again. He ain't even know he was going on stage tonight
8:42 - Coldplay wins for Viva La Vida. They gon let purple coat talk. He acknowledges the Sgt. Pepper look. Thank the Lord for the self aware
8:45 - Kid Rock takes the stage...I don't know how he's still around. That 'Sweet Home Alabama' riff moves units though. It sells records, pizza, KFC. You can't beat it.
8:54 - the Cyrus is on with Taylor Swift. This is cute cause I don't think I could deal with Miley on her own.
8:58 - The two least known people in the running win it. I knew it! I'm happy for them though. I hope they get off the stage in a timely manner.
9:00 - Jennifer Hudson takes the stage, acapella at that. She looks very nice in this sequined black dress. Her wig is wiggy though, but we're not gonna talk about that because her vocals are killing it.
9:09 - This lady just compare the Jonas Brothers to Cain and Abel. Aaaaallriight.
9:10 - Why do they get to perform with Stevie Wonder? This is my jam though I must admit. I guess this is my punishment for being an Nsync fan back in the day..
9:12 - This must be mashup night. They are performing superstitious..they all sound constipated. I can't tell if Stevie is constipated as well or making fun of them. Probably both..
9:15 - Wow time warp, Blink 182 comes back on stage to announce they're getting back together. They get points for mocking the fuckery that was just onstage.
9:16 - Coldplay gets the award. called themselves a limestone rockband...wock wocka...
9:23 - Craig Ferguson is funny tonight. But I will never forgive him for seguing to Katy Perry. I'm not a fan.
9:26 - She's finally off the stage and now its Kaye and Estelle and Ye's fro mullet. This performance looks cheap and tacky and underproduced. Shiny suits on a red circle. The recession is really getting to people. "Look at this pea coat tell me he's broke" BROKE!
9:29 - Then they gotta turn around and present the next award for best New Artist. Yayy Adele won. I dig her but I was rooting for Jasmine. She's got one of those working class Brit accents like some of my fam (we international, yo!)
9:36 - Morgan Freeman takes the stage. Now theres a man that knows how to put his shoe on a woman and get away with it. That wasnt tasteful at all but I won't delete it.
9:39 - Kenny Chesney...taking a big sip out my cup right now.
9:40 - Diddy does not give a shit. White tee, shiny shirt, sad gold chain. He looks like he's dressed to get the laundry.
9:41 - Robert Plant and them is winnin again, just to piss everyone off i'm sure.
9:48 - Gueen Latifah looks sexy tonight. Blinking at this segue from the Rat Pack to the Rap Pack
9:50 - Wowww at M.I.A. being gigantic in a polkadot bathing suit. This black and white filter is killing me though. FAIL!!
9:54 - Kate Beckinsale saying something...introduces Sir Paul McCartney who won't go away for some reason.
10:04 - Jack Black ...we've reached MTV VMA award status. Jazz musician Hank Jones gets a Lifetime Achievement Award
10:05 - John Mayer gets the award. Talks short and fast, but he has anxiety issues so he gets a pass. The Grammy's nominated Kid Rock for some reason.
10:07 - LL Cool J and Jay Mohr come out together cause they both got J's in their names. Jay proceeds to amuse himself and no one else.
10:07 - Sugarland and Adele take the stage. Performing a song about being the 'other woman' I love those kinds of songs. I like anything that explores the complications of love.
10:11 - Adele takes the stage. Repping for white Team Chunk in a positive way. Finally a representative that isn't a horrid mess. w00t! Also the two sounded beautiful. I gotta look into Sugarland.
10:19 - Gwyneth Bland Paltrow introduces Radiohead who apparently are still on some other shit. I enjoy when they are on some other shit. Listening.
10:22 - Radiohead is rockin the shit tonight. I love it.
10:28 - Samuel L. Jackson takes the stage in his Do the Right thing steez and starts yelling at the audience immediately.
10:29 - T.I. and Justin Timberlake take the stage. Meh.
10:33 - Wolf Blitzers hippie brother takes the stage and mentions that Obama won two Grammy's. GoBama.
10:37 - Now he reveals hes just kissing Obama's nuts to get a Secretary of the Arts position instated in the White House. Politricks.
10:38 - Sweet sweet Smokey Robinson takes the stage to give the Four Tops the Lifetime Achievement award.
10:39 - Fake Four Tops come out consisting of the remaining member, Smokey, Jamie Foxx, and Ne-Yo. This is my song and they not ruinin it.
10:47 - Josh Groban comes on..thank God he's not singing tv show theme songs again. Introduces Neil Diamand
10:48 - Neil Diamond looks better than he did the last time I seent him. My mother is somewhere throwin her panties at the tv.
10:55- My bad I tuned out for a bit there. They did the Memoriam dead faces reel. Then BB King and John Mayer performed a tribute to Bo Diddley
11:02 - Gary Sinese ...still looks like a robot clone. He's about to introduce Weezy and Robin Thicke and friends
11:03 - They doin 'Tie My Hands'.
11:07 - They follow it up by bringing out some New Orleans greats. Well performed and well orchestrated. A thousand brownie points to Weezy
11:09 - T. pain and Will.I.Am present the nominees for best rap album. Embarrass themselves.
11:10 - Lil Wayne done won his ass a Grammy award.
11:10 - There's a good boy. Keep it simple. His family looks nice.
11:18 - Blah blah blah Zoe Deschanel..so that's how you pronounce her name.
11:18 - Robert Plant and 'em are performing. Let's hear if this is actually what it is and nobody knew. This song would go well with a nervous breakdown and some LSD.
11:23 - Green Day shows up promising tobring sweet release in the form of the final Grammy and the end of the show.
11:24 - HA! Grammy of the year goes to Robert Plant and friends. Well hell. Goodnight everybody.
11:27 - Stevie gets on again to close the show down.

Later kiddies, i'm gonna go get housed!

Na na na na

Na na na na, HEY HEY HEY GOODBYYEEE

Goodbye Mr. Bush
Bush goes away from the White House... Tell him goodbye YOUR WAY (throwing boots, eggs, daisies or candies) This is a multi-highscore and cumulative-score game!



I'm not gonna lie...even I feel bad for this guy. BUT ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME!! Get in yo' choppa and GTFOH!
I think this game is a positive way to blow off some steam, and hey, maybe if the shoe thrower would've had this game he wouldn't have acted an ass (awesomely) and done what he none did. Lemme know your high score and object of choice.

Notorious

I went to the theatre last night to see the Biggie biopic 'Notorious'. I know I could have peeped a bootleg of it like a week ago but as schmaltzy as it sounds I figured if I was gonna watch this flick at all it was going to have to be in a crowd so that the added benefit of the community experience might make up for whatever the film lacks (and I thought it would lack a lot). A part of me wanted to go to a late showing of this in the hood but that same part of me didn't want to get shot in the name of authenticity and as of the New Year I had deleted most of my hood affiliates and tour guides from my phonebook. In reality I still wouldn't feel safe unless me and Clint Eastwood rolled up on the block in his Gran Torino so I don't even know what I was thinking about with that. I actually ended up in a showing in the 'burbs where my friend and I had to show I.D. to signify that we were 'guardians' to some underaged niglets and accompany them into the theatre just so they could see the film. I scoffed at all the extra regulations but, a half hour into the movie I and most of the audience felt like we weren't old enough to be watching what we were watching either. All I'll say is Naturi Naughton was really puttin her all into that role....and that she got some tittays on her. BTW I am not especially opposed to nudity on film but this movie made me realize that there's something really eerie about watching some porno on a big screen in a room full of strangers.

To get the complaints out of the way, its pretty plain that Diddy had his hands on this film a little too much. Almost every profound thing Big says and does in this film was inspired by, or was a suggestion from Puffy (Derek Luke). He, Voletta (Angela Bassett), and Faith Evans (Antonique Smith) appear to have no flaws and I'm sure their live counterparts working behind the scenes with the director had more than a little bit to do with that. However, that's probably for the best because it helps us focus on the main character's performance. Jamal Woolard does a great job as Biggie, encompassing the laidback bravado that we all grew up with as well as the vulnerabilities that we suspected but never really got to see. And despite my complaints about Puff's onscreen fairy godmother status Luke does surprisingly well in translating the fun and obnoxiousness of Sean Combs without channeling too much of the actual Sean Combs. I'm thankful for this because the approximations of Puffy's silly ass dances are amusing but an authentic level of Diddy realism would surely force me from the theatre.

The roles that stole the show were Smith as Faith Evans and Naughton who played a nuanced and interesting Lil' Kim. I heard that Kim wasn't consulted for her portroyal in the film but her story is pretty compelling despite or possibly because of her absence behind the scenes, otherwise she might've gotten the boring saint treatment that the other characters got. Anthony Mackie as Tupac was creating a problem for me and his being cast is one of the films bigger flaws in my opinion. He's a decent actor but he wasn't channeling Pac in a way that made me go 'Oh snap. that's Pac!' which is really what these characters are supposed to do. Not to mention the way minds work, certain actors among certain environments invoke distracting memories. For instance while watching the 2Pac scenes my brain goes: rap movie + Anthonie Mackie = 8 Mile, and now every time he appears on screen I hear 'Now everybody from the 313 get ya motherfckn hands up and follow me!' He wasn't terrible or anything, and when he remembers to bug his eyes out he almost has you fooled but they should've went with an unknown on that one.
The director also decided to go with ambiguity and neutrality with regards to the details of Biggie's death. I agree that for the type of film this is (celebratory rather than expository) that was probably the best decision. But the vagueness of it made for some bizarre dialogue.

Actual Scene
*phone rings*
Biggie: Hello
Caller: Hey Nigga, you gon leave out here with a fuckin toetag on'. We gon fuckin kill you.
Biggie: Yo. who the fuck is this?
Caller: West Coast, nigga!
*dial tone*

What? Really? The 'West Coast' killed Big? Alright, whatever..moving on.

Going into it with generic to low expectations I was pleasantly surprised. It's a good movie. The cast really got into their roles and save a few exceptions it did what it was supposed to do. Tell B.I.G.'s story? Nah. I don't even think that's what it was supposed to do. You don't learn anything about Christopher Wallace that you didn't already know or presume, which in the grand scheme of things isn't all that much. But there's something emotionally satisfying about seeing glimpses of the stories behind the people who made the music you loved because it plays to your nostalgia. They could have included Kim getting an abortion after getting pregnant with Biggies child but who wants to think about depressing shit like that? We wanna recite the lyrics to the songs we can't help but know the lyrics to and feel proud of our generation for supporting an artist even in death to similar levels of iconic prestige that other generations support and mythologize their heroes (Elvis, anyone?). I'll admit that a really interesting biopic would be an authentic one, telling the sides of the story that we haven't heard or haven't heard enough of and cutting away the bullshit but I would rather see that as a documentary than a feature film. This film reminds me of a (possibly imaginary) time when we were young and rap was something you hid from your parents while you obsessed over it with your friends and older siblings. It reminds you of a time when hip hop was something you really cared about, when you were young enough to think all of the era's rap gossip and drama was really important and how you felt when you sadly realized it kind of was. Seeing it in a sold out theatre in a suburb also makes you realize how many people from all kinds of backgrounds cared about all of that stuff the same way you did. It is by no means perfect but when you hear 'Hypnotize' boom through theatre speakers at the final scene of the movie you must admit it did what it was supposed to do. In apreciation, we as an audience greeted the credits with a round of applause for the movie, for hip hop and for B.I.G. and I for one thought that was pretty dope.

Some Ad Nonsense

Skittles: Reflect The Rainbow

Here's something that you may not have known about me (or cared) but I enjoy advertisements. This is one of my new favorite ones. A white guy is at a Thai tailor getting his suit fitted. It's some alternate reality (as all skittles commercials are) where instead of your own reflection men of various races and ethnicity's mimic your every move in the reflection of the mirror. In this case there's a black guy a Mexican guy and a Filipino guy. The Black guy and the Mexican are both doing their jobs (Oh ho!) but the Filipino guy notices some skittles in his jacket and starts to eat them instead of reflecting the non skittles eating white guy. The white guy complains about it to the tailor who begins to chew this Filipino guy out. Dude gets pissed and kicks in his own reflection as a way of saying 'fuck you, I quit!' I like this ad more the more I watch it, because in it's way the whole reflect the rainbow theme is somehow a nod to diversity (why should your reflection be white too, can't you give that job to a Mexican? Welcome to post-racial America!) But it's also insane in a way that I really enjoy. I liked it even before I knew what the hell they were saying but a little research clarified that their conversation was as follows:

Tailor : Hey, Don't eat while you're working
Filipino guy: But i'm hungry
Tailor: No eating at work, you lazy bum!
Filipino guy: I'm hungry so I'm gonna eat
*insane asian arguing and swearing*
Filipino guy: Motherfucker, I'll do what I want
*kicks glass - mirror shatters - I laugh my ass off*

The craziest commercials come out of Thailand. Here's another one that I really liked. It reminded me of all the island ghost stories I used to hear when I was younger.




Sylvania Light Bulb Ad

2009 Golden Globes

Well, i'm sure you have noticed this but I have been M.I.A. for a while. My bad. Just to force myself back into the swing of posting my thoughts i'm going to attempt to liveblog the Golden Globes. Wish me luck

8:01 - J.Lo comes out..mic malfuntion already.
8:02 - J.Lo's makeup is pretty good, nice and clean but idk about the rest of her dress, maybe I need a better look
8:03 - got a better look. No ty.
8:04 - Kate Winslet wins, she looks good, and i like her for some reason..hmm. But she's talkin to long already
8:06 - Sting? Why with the grizzly beard? And yet maintains glimpses of the sexy..how does he do that?
8:08 - JERSEY STAND UP! Haha, yeah I had to claim a regional victory today after the Giants lost...womp womp wooomp. :(
8:09 - Clint Eastwood will take you out back and beat you with a stick
8:10 - I love that Bruce and his wife have matching noses and that he called her strong. I love that type of shit, like really love.
8:14 - Simon Baker is still sexy. Remember Something New? That was the official 'let's investigate this swirl thing' movie.
8: 15 - Awwe look at Tom Wilkinson not knowin when to wave. Awwe and he wins.
8: 17 - I love Tom Wilkinson. Wtf was that? hahaha He forgot everyones name, like 'wutevs, Thanks, but I didn't ask you wankers to pick me'
8:25 - My heart just broke. Sexy ass Don Cheadle is in 'Hotel For Dogs'? Why does he look like that. Like a pirate, with the two earings.
8:27 - Eva Mendez is dumb sexy, especially tonite. That jewelry! swoon, and she's all about la Raza...lol well it's not my Raza but cultural empowerment is always a good thing to me
8:29 - Zac Efron doesn't do it for me but this is the most masculine I've seen him..ever. i thought it was Jared Leto
8:30 - 'Not here to talk Trek'..then why are y'all here, who are you guys?
8:31 - Awwe Anna Paquin wins it. Yay! She's like one of the few actresses that looks like a regular person, it's refreshing to me. I still dunno if i'm feelin the blonde though..
8:37 - "thats the last time I have sex with 200 middle aged journalists' O h Ricky Gervais
8:39 - Jonas Brothers?? I will never understand. Is that how everyone felt about NSYNC back when I and other teenyboppers was all on their nuts?
8:42 - Johnny Depp has on his pervert scraggle moustache again. I do not like it. And he looks tired. :(
8:46 - Wheres Savion Glover? or Sandman Simms, they need to hire them to come out w the cane and drag folks off stage.
8:52 - Jakey Gyllenhaal presents a Benjamin Button commercial
8:53 - Drew Barrymore and Sharon Stone? giggle like fools
8:54 - "Ants can't even understand what a giant's talkin about!'. look at Diddy tryna look humble. sweet.
8:57 - Tom Cruise blathers like an insane person. My bad Hanks, Tom Hanks woww
8:57 - Cute moment with Demi and Rumer, who actually doesnt look frightening tonite
8:59 - Heath Ledger *tear*
9:05 - *sigh* I'm starting to tire of this. Yayyy Frost/Nixon...w00t....
9:06 - Thank you Colin Farell, that was a stupid thing for them to ask you to say. And you actually look clean tinite, double kudos. Also kudos for tryna play it off like you don't do coke no more.
9:19 - SETH ROGEN IS TOOO SEXY
9:22 - Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock, thats a dope show. Awwe his daughter's name is Ireland. That's cute, and ghetto. Whites are not exempt.
9:28 - S. Epatha is sellin pens?
9:28 - Cot Damn! Wtf is goin on w Renee Zellweger? SWhe almost never looks good but tonight she looks like she flapped out of a cave.
9:30 - It's Baby Wipes!
9:32 - Paul Giammati is such a little hobbit. EEw did you see Marc Antony creepily rubbin down J.Lo's shoulders? Jeepers
9:34 - That 30 Rock episode was too funny
9:36 - LMAO at Tracy Morgan announcing himself as the representative for 30 Rock and the face of post-racial America, then proceeding to embarass all of us immensly. You have my heart.
9:47 - Ugly Betty looks really nice tonight.
9:53 - Lol at this commercial trying to sell me on this Spielberg show about multiple personalities...
9:54 - SMH at this other commercial trying to get me to buy lotto tickets
9:58 - w00t The Color Purple, Amistad...its dawning on me that I should have been high tonight.
10:13 - Now ole girl w Dustin Hoffman looks alright. Their schtic is cute..wow this Slumdog Millionnaire is stealin the show
10:16 - Sigourney Weaver is doin her thing for giant women, I like it.
10:18 - Grr at the award show for not showing Javier Barden
10:21 - "Curiousity is love, it's Ignorance's nemesis" an excerpt from Colin Farell's artsy fartsy poetic stream of consciousness speech
10:27 - Mmmm Selma Hayek, Viva Mexico
10:36 - This Indian actress is gorgeous.
10:37 - Cameron Diaz and Mark Wahlberg....they are bothering me.
10:40 - I never seen anyone so excited to win an award lmao awwe Kate
10:45 - ....This shit is still on!?
10:51 - I heard Mickey Rourke really wanted to win this one...and thas the last thing I heard about Mickey Rourke in some time
10:53 - WHOO 2 seconds of middle finger on national television!!
11:00 - AAAAAAND Were done! Whoo finally, I couldn't hang with it for much longer but i'm proud of myself for finishing, even though thas barely an accomplishment. The last couple minutes was a frenzy for the censors. Gooodnight everyone.

UPDATE: Highlight of the night. Tracy Morgan's 30 Rock Acceptance Speech

The Obama Booty Call

The President-Elect is Barack Obama and as you may have already assumed I'm pleased. I won't bother to do a 'How does it feel?' blog because quite frankly if you've been watching any news channel you've seen the 'crying-black-people-from-all-around-the-world' reel ad nauseum and you already know how I felt.
So, I'd like to take a moment to discuss other matters this afternoon.

Is anyone else familiar with the phenomenon of the Obama Booty Call? or Obooty Call?
Oh, you know what I'm talking about. Someone trying to get at you using the pretense of inspiration and political minded discourse. Maybe, its just my isolated experience but in light of recent events I have been inundated with texts, instant messages, and phone calls from folks I haven't spoke to in years. Most of them are sharing in the excitement. Some of whom are trying to parlay the overwhelming emotions of this era of change and hope into inspiring previously conservative or reluctant ass into bold, bipartisan directions.
Trickin with Hope.

It can come in a variety of forms but it typically begins with Person X* contacting you out of the blue and using the election as an excuse for the interruption. For me, it began election day, getting texts from randoms I had long forgotten about or possibly never knew.
For the purpose of exposition here are some examples of several types of Obooty calls that may or may not be copy and pasted or retyped verbatim. *smh*

.:The Text:.

_: "The Streets Keep Callin'.... I Gotta Change My Number":_

Person X: Ayoo, shawty. Wuts good?

me: ?

Person X: Me, i just voted. U vote?

me: Hell yeah i voted. Yo, who is this?

Person X: Daaaaag ma. its like that? dis ******, yo what u doin this weekend?

me: Ohh...prolly something else

Person X: Huh? but yo get at me. we should do somethin, ta celebrate.
*****The Block Obama '08*****
Git that guap. G unit, D-Block, Birdgang, Dipset, Ay!
text sent via Sidekick.

I discovered there are also exotic variations on this type of text.

_:Political Sex Text:_

Person X: We did it. Obama is the man.

me: Yeah I know, i'm so excited. i can't even believe it

Person X: I know you're excited, I can tell. I can believe it.

me: it was crazy though. I thought it would be closer.

Person X: yeah you can't always tell.. I mean the campaign was so long and so hard...

me: yea

Person X: yeah it was real intense.

me: mmhmm

Person X: But he just kept pushing forward. building so much momentum. he wasn't gonna stop. shit, he prolly couldn't stop even if he wanted to.
they thought they had him when they brought in that white girl

me: Palin?

Person X: yeah. but they should have known a brother could handle that chick. i mean hes too cool to let some jawn like that phase him.

me: Thas true

Person X: Hes very orally skilled. we have alot in common.

me: ...yea

Person X: But toward the end tension kept rising and the polls were tightening. I almost couldn't take it. But i knew my man would come on top. How did it feel for you when it happened?

me: wow, i mean i was just overwhelmed, i was crying a lil bit

Person X: Mmm, I bet I'll have you crying

me: what?

Person X: What you doin tonite?

.:The Instant Message:.
There were quite a bit more of these than texts but I'll just post a few examples...

This is from a random whom I had the good fortune of eventually losing contact with.... Only for Obama to return him to my IM window. He hit me up about an hour before the announcement pretending to be inspired and inquiring about my life. Then 11 pm rolled around....

Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2008

NOTE THE TIME!!!

This next one, I'm ashamed to say, is from an ex-boy, who after hitting me up with some of the above mentioned Obooty call dialogue was apparently inspired by Obama to redistribute my wealth.

*SMH* 2008

This last one isn't technically a booty call but it's a little election night correspondence that left me feeling satisfied. The character in question is the individual from a previous post who was attempting to convince me that Obama is the antichrist. I mean even if he is, so what?

Luxuriate in the deliciousness, bitch.

The commonality to all of these Obooty calls is that they leave me wanting the real thing. Who wouldn't turn Lewinsky for the 44th President (Sorry, Michelle)? Intelligent, terrible dancer, tragic mullato corniness/sexiness. I'd respond to a late night smiley from him anyday.
I need ;-P I can believe in.

So, you bookworm negroes better step your collective game up and parlay the former Senator from Chicago's success with the ladies into a revolution instead of lazily tacking parts of his speeches on to your pick up lines. Maybe now instead of these young boys pretending to be hood they'll pretend to be college educated to get some trim.
FELLAS, START BRINGING YOUR DEGREE TO THE CLUB. Cause, I want to see it. I want to see it real bad.


*I'll give him the moniker person X because this person usually is an Ex of some sort. Ex-boyfriend, Ex-friend, Ex-jumpoff, Ex-used to buy me sht cause he thought he was gettin the drawls, etc,. I assume Person X is male but I'm sure theres some enterprising females getting they Obama Booty Call on.

**names were changed to protect the ignorant and the irrelevant.